Foreshadowing
I've seen this all before.

I have tremendous interest in a girl. We start to hang out. We like each other. We become physically close. I have my doubts. And it eventually goes to shit. This has happened with about 3-4 girls in the past 2ish years at Western.

I was so wanting a relationship for the last month or so. I even met a girl I thought i'd be lucky to have. I thought I was going to be stuck as a friend cause she didn't see me that way. I told her i was attracted to her. Not long later I find myself going on dates with her, hanging out at her place, cuddling for hours on end. And after wanting this for so long, the doubt kicks in.

Is she really what I want?
Is this what I was waiting for?
Is there someone in my life I might have cut short just before there was to be something more?
Will I be missing out if I make myself into a relationship with her?

All these same doubts that came with Jill and my crazy texan. Both people I really liked. Eventually missed later, inevitably ending up wishing I had pursued more with them, and regretting that I took for granted someone who saw so much in me that I prevented myself from seeing in them until it was too late. Might I make the same mistake again? Maybe.

I don't want to. Someone told me I was just infatuated with the thrill of the chase. That's not me at all. I think the only people that are that way, are the type that have people throwing themselves at them routinely. Which isn't me. So why would I turn my back on a good thing?

Probably because i'm so indecisive.

The w-woman and I have been hanging out a lot. Had our first kiss the other night. It ended up not being so great. Probably due to too much pressure building up to it.

I think in the future, i'm not going to think about a first kiss. If i feel the urge and it seems appropriate for the time, I'm just going to do it, and fuck everything else. Either it will breed an awkward after moment, or its total surprise could bring an amazing unexpected feeling.