Ian (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wmuian) wrote,@ 2005-10-03 05:09:00 |
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What I'd wonder
Does anyone read this anymore?
Could things like this sporadic cuddling I've had with Lady X in the last two weekends (once while drunk, once sober) be bad for me (especially mentally) in the end. My mind was racing at some absurd speed per minute earlier tonight thinking about her, which sucks cause it's like I feel that I have no chance. Yet its hard to tell yourself that while looking down and seeing someone looking so happy where they are while you're practically swimming in their hair. I'd like to say I should just give it up, but really what would that accomplish.
We live for the unexpected and for what compelling thing might happen to us next. Hell, that's half the reason why I haven't cashed in my chips and called it a life yet. I want to know that for however bad today might be, that tomorrow or the day after could literally be the best day in my life.
But that is a mystery. You cannot totally see these things coming. Sometimes you have the opportunity, or you create one and it gives you the ability to steer your life in a direction. For as many people as have let me down in my life, maybe she won't. The conditions might not be right just yet. Maybe they never will be, but I cannot push myself down and be pessimistic about it while there's still so much to learn and know.
After all, for as little promise as I have in her, there's someone else that's emerging from obscurity. There's a girl I had a thick crush on since the first night I met her (check out Aug 27th) who has actually shown some interest in me and we've moved with it a little. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's the start of everything. I really could not guess yet, but maybe i'll know a little more, tomorrow.
Does anyone read this anymore?
Could things like this sporadic cuddling I've had with Lady X in the last two weekends (once while drunk, once sober) be bad for me (especially mentally) in the end. My mind was racing at some absurd speed per minute earlier tonight thinking about her, which sucks cause it's like I feel that I have no chance. Yet its hard to tell yourself that while looking down and seeing someone looking so happy where they are while you're practically swimming in their hair. I'd like to say I should just give it up, but really what would that accomplish.
We live for the unexpected and for what compelling thing might happen to us next. Hell, that's half the reason why I haven't cashed in my chips and called it a life yet. I want to know that for however bad today might be, that tomorrow or the day after could literally be the best day in my life.
But that is a mystery. You cannot totally see these things coming. Sometimes you have the opportunity, or you create one and it gives you the ability to steer your life in a direction. For as many people as have let me down in my life, maybe she won't. The conditions might not be right just yet. Maybe they never will be, but I cannot push myself down and be pessimistic about it while there's still so much to learn and know.
After all, for as little promise as I have in her, there's someone else that's emerging from obscurity. There's a girl I had a thick crush on since the first night I met her (check out Aug 27th) who has actually shown some interest in me and we've moved with it a little. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's the start of everything. I really could not guess yet, but maybe i'll know a little more, tomorrow.
