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Ian
Jul. 31st, 2006
03:42 pm - Crazy week ahead
So things with Erica are great. We're very much alike. Both in our common day to day similarities as well as in our eccentricities. Tonight we're going home to the T and she's gonna meet the parents. Not so much for the sake of meeting the parents, but because it's easier to leave to Cedar Point from there than it is from here. So we're going there Tuesday morning and staying in some motel on tuesday night. Then we're driving home to K-zoo from there and Erica's working on wednesday and I'll be going BACK home to Tecumseh and waking up for a job interview in Troy with a pretty kick ass company on thursday.
Cross your fingers for me. A job for Ian = not moving home
and in the end, isn't that what its really all about?
Jul. 23rd, 2006
08:33 pm - Sometimes you find what you're looking for a little too late
So I'm dating this girl named Erica now. We've known each other for about 4 years, but never really got near the concept of dating until recently. It's pretty exciting.
Jul. 15th, 2006
08:24 pm - Real World
So I graduated...I can walk again after my ankle healed up, mostly.
I'm looking for a big boy job every day. No luck so far. I've got 3 weeks left in my lease. If i don't have a job somewhere, before then...well, i'll be moving home. And it will absolutley suck.
Home is nice and all, but i don't think i can live there again. I will literally become that guy who lives in his mom's basement. I can't do that. But i don't want a job i'll hate either.
Somehow i think i'll have to compromise that for a job. Cross your fingers for me.
Apr. 24th, 2006
08:34 am - Handicapable
I sprained my ankle on both sides on Wednesday night doing stupid stuff. To dumb it down to its simplest explanation, it was a beer pong related injury. Yeah. That bad. So I've been crippled and walking using crutches since then. This weekend kind of sucked because of it unfortunately. I was confined to a stool outside on the balcony during our parties. I did get to see a couple cool girls that I may not get to for a long time. Gotta find some joy in that i guess.
Time to man up for finals.
Apr. 19th, 2006
10:59 am - Not enough posts
So I really don't post here much. I mostly come and read my friends shit these days.
Anyway the only thing worth saying is that its really hard to be satisfied with your life no matter what changes you hope for that eventually get met.
Mar. 14th, 2006
11:56 pm - Hi, I'm Ian
My name is not Kevin. I am not currently on this season's American Idol.
Unless you'd like to give me some money. Then yes, I am a 16 year old boy from upstate New York, and I can sing like you wouldn't believe.
Mar. 11th, 2006
06:14 pm - Crush Party
So I've kind of got a blind date for this sororities crush party. However it's only blind on my end cause she picked me and its supposed to be a surprise. I've heard some clues but no one will give it away. There's like 1 or 2 people I really don't want it to be that it could....but I think odds are i'll have a good time no matter what.
Feb. 23rd, 2006
01:12 am - Same old story
You know the night you're studying before a big test and you sit there skimming chapters and reading all the while going "Before the next test/chapter/unity, i'm really going to keep up with the reading this time." And then when the next test comes up, you do the same thing..
Yeah i'm doing that right now.
Feb. 16th, 2006
06:12 am - Some philosophy
So a lot has been happening in my life recently. I won't go into details, but i was thinking today and I may have created myself a mantra. I'm not a big believer in mantras, so hopefully this serves to some as a gut check, or a motivator if you need one
If you feel strongly about a person in your life, you should tell them how you feel, because you never know when the opportunity to do so will pass you by.
So make a move. Put yourself out there. Take the risk of being eaten by the pack of wolves called society. Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to take some hits. Maybe you'll bust your chin open, or send your heart through a salad shooter. But at the end of the day you'll know you tried.
And should you not be able to negotiate your happiness along this way, you may realize for all the pain you put yourself through, you still followed a path that leads to the sum of fewest regrets.
And if you can come away from the stage that is your life, and say 'I did all that I could to get the most out of my life' Then, and only then have you actually lived.
So wake up and push the envelope today. Live.
Jan. 27th, 2006
01:29 pm - Eating Soup
So i got Panera for lunch. Chicken Noodle Soup in a sourdough bread bowl. The soup is gone. Am I really supposed to eat the bread bowl?
Dec. 26th, 2005
07:56 am - Compulsion to write
What brings me to write here? Clearly it's change. It seems the only time i've really posted here has been when life is drastically changing, or when i was depressed because life wasn't changing enough to bring me something good.
So i've been dating Erin now for quite a while. Things were up and down in november for whatever reason and things are a bit slow right now with her being 4 hours away but thats whats happening. I'm quite the enigma of dating. It's like i'm never satisfied. It's so weird though because I don't feel I have high standards. I could go out to the mall today and play the mental I'd date you/not date you game with randoms and issue swift decisions with people i'll probably never see again about whether i could see myself with them. It always feel so easy. The weird thing becomes when you see one of those people at a party, you'd say you would date them in a second if you had the opportunity, and then upon getting the chance, it loses its thrill. I don't think it has anything to do with complacency, after all I'd like to dabble in love. I just don't know if I can be the boyfriend. That's a lot to live up to.
Oct. 18th, 2005
03:57 am - My impulsive future
Despite my love hate relationship I get with my house, I really could go for going to Grad School at Western next year, and living here in the house again.
I just wish my parents supported the idea of me going to grad school.
Oct. 12th, 2005
03:19 am - Going down that road
I've got all this mental confusion again and it sucks. But I guess it's still much better than what I had say, three weeks ago.
Oct. 11th, 2005
05:45 am - Foreshadowing
I've seen this all before.
I have tremendous interest in a girl. We start to hang out. We like each other. We become physically close. I have my doubts. And it eventually goes to shit. This has happened with about 3-4 girls in the past 2ish years at Western.
I was so wanting a relationship for the last month or so. I even met a girl I thought i'd be lucky to have. I thought I was going to be stuck as a friend cause she didn't see me that way. I told her i was attracted to her. Not long later I find myself going on dates with her, hanging out at her place, cuddling for hours on end. And after wanting this for so long, the doubt kicks in.
Is she really what I want?
Is this what I was waiting for?
Is there someone in my life I might have cut short just before there was to be something more?
Will I be missing out if I make myself into a relationship with her?
All these same doubts that came with Jill and my crazy texan. Both people I really liked. Eventually missed later, inevitably ending up wishing I had pursued more with them, and regretting that I took for granted someone who saw so much in me that I prevented myself from seeing in them until it was too late. Might I make the same mistake again? Maybe.
I don't want to. Someone told me I was just infatuated with the thrill of the chase. That's not me at all. I think the only people that are that way, are the type that have people throwing themselves at them routinely. Which isn't me. So why would I turn my back on a good thing?
Probably because i'm so indecisive.
The w-woman and I have been hanging out a lot. Had our first kiss the other night. It ended up not being so great. Probably due to too much pressure building up to it.
I think in the future, i'm not going to think about a first kiss. If i feel the urge and it seems appropriate for the time, I'm just going to do it, and fuck everything else. Either it will breed an awkward after moment, or its total surprise could bring an amazing unexpected feeling.
Oct. 5th, 2005
12:44 am - better days
I had a good day today. Nothing big class wise. I and the w-woman went to the mall and she helped me pick out a hat. Afterwards we went out, had some cheese fries and called it a night.
I think we're growing on each other.
Oct. 4th, 2005
02:54 am - What a difference
[editors note: Lady X will now be refered to as Lady D, and the 'crush girl' aka aug 27 will now be refered to as the W-woman. thanks]
So today was kind of a rebound day. I didn't get much sleep, but our IM football team won, and I really noticed that when I bring the cowbell and use it with confidence i can really get the quiet superfans into the game. Thats something I was always unsure of.
And the w-woman called me up interested in getting ice cream. We talked about when we might have time to chill this week, but I thought it'd be hard to find with her being busy with some tests. Low and behold she made the time though. We went to culvers and had some decent stuff and talked for about an hour. It was a nice thing to have sprung upon my night. I'm not sure whether she looked like it all day or not, but she looked like she put in some effort into her appearance before i picked her up, which made me think she cares about how i see her, which i would take it to mean she has at least some interest in me. Anyway i joked about thinking about opening the car door for her on the way home and she sounded rather surprised i'd do that (or at least consider it.) So to make up for it, i walked her to her door. Gentleman and a scholar.
Then I came home to see Lady D and the roommates. At one point it was pretty absurd as I noticed all three of us were vying for her attention. Pathetic right. And of course it seems the one she's shown the most interest to in the last couple days has been the one who's already in a relationship. And why not right?
Anyway she slept her tonight, just not with me, and not with the guy with the girlfriend. I assure you it's a confusing time with pressure slowly building within all of us.
But in a way, after tonight with the w-woman i don't care so much about the other girl. That's probably a good thing.
Oct. 3rd, 2005
05:09 am - What I'd wonder
Does anyone read this anymore?
Could things like this sporadic cuddling I've had with Lady X in the
last two weekends (once while drunk, once sober) be bad for me
(especially mentally) in the end. My mind was racing at some absurd
speed per minute earlier tonight thinking about her, which sucks cause
it's like I feel that I have no chance. Yet its hard to tell yourself
that while looking down and seeing someone looking so happy where they
are while you're practically swimming in their hair. I'd like to say I
should just give it up, but really what would that accomplish.
We live for the unexpected and for what compelling thing might happen
to us next. Hell, that's half the reason why I haven't cashed in my
chips and called it a life yet. I want to know that for however bad
today might be, that tomorrow or the day after could literally be the best day in my life.
But that is a mystery. You cannot totally see these things coming.
Sometimes you have the opportunity, or you create one and it gives you
the ability to steer your life in a direction. For as many people as
have let me down in my life, maybe she won't. The conditions might not
be right just yet. Maybe they never will be, but I cannot push myself
down and be pessimistic about it while there's still so much to learn
and know.
After all, for as little promise as I have in her, there's someone else
that's emerging from obscurity. There's a girl I had a thick crush on since
the first night I met her (check out Aug 27th) who has actually shown
some interest in me and we've moved with it a little. Maybe it's
nothing, maybe it's the start of everything. I really could not guess
yet, but maybe i'll know a little more, tomorrow.
12:21 am - Unsolved Mysteries
How is it that amazing, confident, intelligent, strong, driven, beautiful and caring people can be drawn to such ignorant, worthless and self centered people.
And why is it that a guy with a girlfriend in their life can get more attention from a woman than two people dying to have her in their life.
Just some of the things I don't understand.
Sep. 12th, 2005
10:54 am - A Weekend
Jimmer came home with me this weekend to watch the Michigan - Notre Dame game. It was a sad result as Michigan couldn't get it done and Lloyd Carr proved again he doesn't belong at the steering wheel of the best talent filled football vehicle in collegiate football.
Saturday night we had dinner with my parents and saw my eighth grade crush working as a waitress at Red Lobster. I don't think she noticed me there.
After, we drove back to Kalamazoo and got stopped by the police around MIS. Look for a seperate entry about that later.
I had some beers at the house on saturday night and that was pretty much my weekend.
I also got back to my procrastinating ways and stayed up forever last night before starting my homework, resulting in me getting just two hours of sleep. Yeah, real smart.
On the plus side, as a result of a need to save face, I managed to learn how to crack an Instant Messenger online tool that people use to see who's checking them out. Now they'll never know I wasn't intending to stalk them
Sep. 3rd, 2005
04:48 am - Rambling of a mad man
Why do i waste my time, my interest, my patience on her. Seriously. This needs to stop.
Timmy had a good birthday tonight it seemed. Probably not everything he wanted, but who gets that anyway.
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